Open Letter to the White Friends of My Black Son

First let me start by saying thank you. Thank you for being a friend to my son. I don't say this because you are white but because we all need friends. As I heard someone say many years ago, life is done in circles. Circle of family, circle of friends, circle of advocates. So thank you for being part of his circle.

However, please note that holding this title as his friend comes with a great responsibility on your part. I know you are young and life is complicated as you are navigating your own present situation and what your future may hold. But please note that while you are deciding on your future, you hold the future of my son, your friend in the palm of your hands. This can be unimaginable right now as you look at this young man next to you as an equal. Y'all are the same age, enjoy the same movies, play the same sports, listen to the same music and even have the same dress style. So how could you be the one to hold his future in your hands? I mean shouldn't he be responsible for his own future? The answer to this is yes and also no.

My son does think about his future and he's making plans to ensure it's a bright one. However, there are many things that are beyond his control and this is where you come in. As the friend of my son, you have the ability to change his future. One word, one statement, one funny joke has the power to change his world. The question is will you change it for the better? Or will you (un)knowingly ruin his future before he even gets to live it? Simply put, your words have the power to change the course of another human being's life. Choose carefully.

If you choose to encourage my son with your words to follow his dreams within his own set boundaries, you can build up a man that will be powerful. However, if you choose to tell a joke or a little white lie at an inappropriate time that involves him, you could derail everything that he has worked so hard for. You could give this world a reason to believe the stereotypes in the media of what the black man actually is. You could attack his character and it will be ruined for years to come if not a lifetime.

This world is not fair. The people in this world have made it the "norm" to uplift our white brothers and sisters while we tend to hold down our black and brown brothers and sisters. This is not fair. This is not something that I am proud of and it is not something I want to continue in the future. However, it is the world we live in today. And the only way to get through it is to accept it as it is, live life for the betterment of others and try to make it better for our children and our children's children. But today, as the white friend of my black son, you must understand that there are things you can/cannot say. There are things he can/cannot do while with you. There are jokes and words that should never be spoken even if done only in humor.

Examples... let's see... Well just to put it plainly. A young white teenage boy walking in any establishment with his hood on turns no heads. It makes no one uncomfortable. It doesn't even register in the minds of people as they look at him. However, when that same young white teenage boy walks into any establishment with his young black teenage friend who has his hood on, heads turn. Women hold their purses tighter. Security watches every movement of this young man. The people around tend to get nervous whether they say it out loud or not. This world is unfair. In this instance, if you, as the young white teenage boy make one wrong move, you will not be in danger. However, your one wrong move will highlight the young black teenage boy with you and he is now in danger. Your move has now put your friend in danger. Then you have to ask, was it worth it?

Another one... you are sitting with your group of friends. A few are black, a few are white and everyone is having a good time laughing and joking. Then you say one wrong, inappropriate little "joke" that has others believing that one of your black friends, my son, has done something immoral. Not only does this make the other white kids in the group uncomfortable, but it makes the other black kids in the group uncomfortable. It makes everyone in the group look at my son like he is now the outcast. If the comment is too immoral, it could even go up to higher authority in which you have now changed the the course of my son's life because you thought you were being funny. This world is unfair. Because at this point no matter how many times you say you "were just joking" this will forever haunt my son and possibly define who he is as a person in this world. Then you have to ask, was it worth the laugh?

Your words and your actions have the ability to uplift my son or tear him down in an instance. I know this is a big responsibility and not all are up for it. But if you are the one that chooses my son to be his friend, you have gained a lifelong brother. He is loyal and a protector. He is strong and brave. He is caring and kind. He is one of the most generous people I know. Choosing him as a friend will forever change your life for the better. All I ask is that you do the same for him. Understand the world as it is and learn how to maneuver in it the way my son has had to learn. Be an ally. Be a friend. Be his biggest advocate. Take care of my son.