Let me start with a little bit of who I am:
I am a mother of 6 biological children, 1 stepchild, 2 adopted children and many, many more who simply call me “Mama Jay”. I am a wife (and an ex-wife if we’re telling it all). I am a daughter, a step-daughter and an ex-step-daughter (again, telling it all). I am a half-sister. I am an auntie (finally!). And at one point in time, I was a grand-daughter. Unfortunately, that generation is no longer walking this earth. Which makes me think…
When my time comes, I do feel that I will be missed. My family will mourn my passing. There are even a few in this world that call themselves my friend that may endure a bit of sadness in their day upon the news of my demise. If there was to be a processional (which I hope there is not based on the details of how I would like my death to be celebrated rather than mourned…) it would probably not be a long one. However, those who chose to join in the line of cars would be those who deeply miss me. Those who are the most important in my life at any given moment. So whereas it may not be a long line, it will definitely be a line filled with love and people who genuinely cared for me. Because I know that in my lifetime I have touched the hearts of those I loved and I have helped many reach their full potential in life. I have been the crutch for many to succeed even to the detriment of my personal success (as I thought it should have been).
Through all of this love and with all of these people in my life, today, I still feel like one of the loneliest people on the face of this earth.
So with this said, I hope to use this space to find healing and work through my depression one post at a time. I also invite you to share your stories. You never know who may read it and find strength to keep going.
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