I have often asked the question: “Why me, Lord?”... Why am I an only child with siblings? Why am I mixed in a black and white world? Why have I been a teenage mom, a single mom, an adoptive mom, a step-mom, an advanced maternal aged mom, a mom of multiples and a mom of those with no mom? Why have the men in my past had the right to treat me like less than a human being? Why have I not been able to keep a friend in my lifetime? Why have I always been in the background of all of those around me (including my children)? Why am I just now becoming the woman I thought I always should have been?
After all of the “why’s” I have finally realized that I spent way too many years questioning God rather than listening to His word and following His will. He has slowly answered these questions in His time but not because I felt enough pity for myself to continuously ask “why me?” He has answered these questions because I have finally opened my eyes to see myself. I have finally opened my heart to begin to love myself. I have finally opened my ears to truly hear myself.
Today, I can honestly say that all of my questions have not yet been answered. However, He has graciously revealed small parts of His plan for my life. He's shown me one step at a time and then patiently waited for me to take that step before revealing the next. I am beginning to understand the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr: "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase". My faith is growing and defining itself in my life. And even though my fears can sometimes hold me down, the weight is not as heavy as my faith begins to take over.
We are not here to question, but to follow. To follow in his footsteps by walking with all people. Loving all people. Respecting all people. Serving all people. Welcoming all people. And yes, I know that these statements are easy to read, simple to speak, but sometimes the most difficult to live out in person. So why me? Why did He walk with me through all of the the "whys" listed above (plus so many more I've purposely left out)? Why? Because He was (and still is) preparing me to live out these statements in real time in my daily life. So here I am, listening to His direction and speaking up for myself, my family, my neighbors, and my community. Pray for me.
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